So many evenings I'm power walking through London's business district, headed home, bundled up in my trenchcoat and scarf, zig zagging through business suits and shoppers and bicyclists, and my mind is overflowing with thoughts. Questions, goals, guilts, revelations, confessions. And I consider blogging some of them. But I've become self-conscious about saying too much online. Honestly, I've become self-conscious about asserting an opinion in any forum, be it over dinner with friends or at work meetings.
You'd think I would become more confident and articulate as I got older, not less.
Maybe doing it in reverse isn't bad.
To break the blog silence... here are some things on my mind.
(a)
Just DO something is one of my current mottos. I get easily overwhelmed and I'm learning that committing to small concrete actions is the only way forward. Taking a job at an investment bank - just do it. Running for 15 minutes - just do it. Reading with kids once a week - just do it. Praying for a couple of minutes - just do it. Calling a family member - just do it.
(b) For the past year, I've been concerned that I'm becoming more frustrated, cynical, demanding, and whiny than I've ever been. A few weeks ago, I had a revelation that maybe this is because historically, things have always come easy for me. And I've continued expecting everything to be easy... work, relationships, happiness, money management, public transportation, writing... No longer! Now, my expectations have changed. Now, I expect most things to be difficult. This way, I always have my game face on. I'm always ready to work hard.
That's the theory, anyway. I sure it's flawed.
(c) Reason #34 working for the investment bank was a good choice: I've volunteered more hours since September than I did in three entire years at college in Auburn.
(d) Most days, I feel like such a sell-out working in a bank... but it helps my sanity to spend time reading with middle schoolers and working on charity projects where everyone looks like a dirty hippie. It reminds me of life outside the corporate world. Often fellow bankers are working alongside the dirty hippies, and that reminds me that (some) bankers want to save the world, too.
(e) Reason #209 I hate being a grown-up: knowing that you're ordinary and despite your third grade goal, you're not going to become the first female president of the United States of America.
(f) I love reading fiction these days. The last two novels I read were amazing. Read them:
The History of Love by Nicole Krauss and
The Glass Space by Simon Mawer.
Dave and I went to Ireland last weekend. It was pretty sweet. Beautiful blue skies, chilly autumn air, delicious comfort food, good books, seaside rocks and green hills to climb...
A great place to stay in Northern Ireland:
Heathfield Farm
It's a great location for exploring major sights; the rooms are lovely and comfortable; the host, Heather, is friendly and has good travel trips; *and* she cooks
such tasty breakfasts, which include several kinds of homemade bread (like the hobo that I am, I kept pieces of fruit bread in my pocket for snacking throughout the day).
I love Ireland. You should go there.
On a final note, a big happy birthday to both my parents. And... congratulations on the upcoming move to Italy! I look forward to "going home" on the weekends...
